VIDEOS

Friday, 15 September 2017

❤️

I will forward a speech on *the Prostate Gland and its effect on us , men.*
Read it and apply, esp the part on diet.
Useful for all over-40 guys

A useful article / talk on Benign Prostate Hyperplasia (BPH) or in simple terms, Enlarged Prostate. Diet is the most important part of this talk which is something within our control; and it works.

FULL TEXT OF PROSTATE HEALTH AWARENESS LECTURE

MEN MUST READ

Gentlemen,

I am here to speak with you on Prostate. The topic is misleading. Is prostate strictly for men? Yes, ONLY men have prostate and ONLY men over 40 years but the healthcare enlightenment is for everyone. There is no woman who does not know a man 40 years and above, father, uncle, brother, son, friend, neighbour, colleague...

Essentially what I will be doing today is health promotion. Responsible health promotion must provide three things:

1. Information
2. Reassurance
3. A plan of action.

Let me start with a background on prostate health.

Everyone has a pair of kidneys. The job of the kidney is to remove waste. It is the LAWMA (waste management company) of your body. Everyday your blood passes through the kidney several times to be filtered. As the blood is filtered, urine is formed and stored in a temporary storage tank called the urinary bladder.

If there were to be no urinary bladder, as a man walks on the road, urine will be dropping.

Now think of the plumbing work in your house. Think of the urinary bladder as the overhead storage tank. From the storage tank, a good plumber will run pipes to other parts of the house, including the kitchen. God in His wisdom ran pipes from our urinary bladder to the tip of the penis. The pipe is called the urethra. Just below the bladder and surrounding the urethra is a little organ called the prostate gland.

The prostate gland is the size of a walnut and weighs about 20grams. Its job is to make the seminal fluid which is stored in the seminal vesicle. During sexual intercourse, seminal fluid comes down the urethra and mixes with the sperms produced in the testicles to form the semen. So semen technically is not sperm. It is sperm + seminal fluid. The seminal fluid lubricates the sperm.

After age 40, for reasons that may be hormonal, the prostate gland begins to enlarge. From 20 grams it may grow to almost 100 grams. As it enlarges, it squeezes the urethra and the man begins to notice changes in the way he urinates.

If you have a son under 10, if he has a little mischief like we all did at that age, when he comes out to urinate, he can target the ceiling and the jet will hit target. Call his father to do same, wahala dey. His urine stream is weak, cannot travel a long distance and sometimes may come straight down on his legs. So he may need to stand in awkward position to urinate.

Not many men will be worried their urine stream cannot hit the ceiling. Toilets are on the floor and not on the ceiling. But other symptoms begin to show.

TERMINAL DRIPPLING:

The man begins to notice that after urinating and repacking, urine still drops on his pants. This is the reason why after an older man urinates, he has to ring bell. A younger man simply delivers to the last drop and walks away. Just see an older man coming from the bathroom. Sometimes he may clutch the newspaper closely to hide the urine stains, particularly on plain colored trousers.

HESISTANCY

At this point you wait longer for the urine flow to start. There are 2 valves that must open for you to urinate – the internal and external sphincters. Both open but because of obstructions in the urethra, you wait longer for the flow to start.

INCOMPLETE EMPTYING

You have this feeling immediately after urinating that there is still something left.

As all these things happen, the bladder begins to work harder to compensate for the obstruction in the urethra. The frequency of urination goes up. Urgency sets in. Sometimes you have to practically run into the toilet. Nocturia also becomes common. You wake up more than 2 times at night to urinate. Your wife begins to complain.

Men being men may not talk to anyone even at this point. Then the more serious complications start.

Stored urine gets infected and there may be burning sensation when urinating.

Stored urine forms crystals. Crystals come together to form stone either in the bladder or in the kidney. Stones may block the urethra.

Chronic urinary retention sets in. The bladder stores more and more urine. The size of the bladder is 40 - 60cl. A bottle of coke is 50cl. As the bladder stores more urine it can enlarge up to 300cl. An overfilled bladder may leak and this leads to wetting / urinary incontinence. Also the volume may put pressure on the kidney and may lead to kidney damage.

What may likely bring the man to hospital is acute urinary retention. He wakes up one day and he is not able to pass urine.

Everything I have described above is associated with prostate enlargement, technically called benign prostate hyperplasia.

There are other diseases of the prostate like:

1. Prostatitis – inflammation of the prostate

2. Prostate cancer – cancer of the prostate.

This discussion is on prostate enlargement.

I have bad news and good news.

The bad news is that everyman will have prostate enlargement if he lives long enough.

The good news is that there are life style changes that can help the man after 40 to maintain optimum prostate health.

NUTRITION

Look at what you eat. 33% of all cancers, according to the US National Cancer Institute is related to what we eat.
Red meat everyday triples your chances of prostate disease. Milk everyday doubles your risk. Not taking fruits / vegetables daily quadruples your risk.

Tomatoes are very good for men. If that is the only thing your wife can present in the evening, eat it with joy. It has loads of lycopene. Lycopene is the most potent natural antioxidant.
Foods that are rich in zinc are also good for men. We recommend pumpkin seeds (ugbogulu).
Zinc is about the most essential element for male sexuality and fertility.

Men need more zinc than women. Every time a man ejaculates he loses 15mg of zinc. Zinc is also important for alcohol metabolism. Your liver needs zinc to metabolize alcohol.

ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION

As men begin to have urinary symptoms associated with prostate enlargement, it is important they look at alcohol consumption. More fluid in means more fluid out.

Drink less. Drink slowly.

EXERCISE

Exercise helps build the muscle tone. Every man should exercise. Men over 40 should avoid high impact exercise like jogging. It puts pressure on the knees. Cycling is bad news for the prostate. We recommend brisk walking.

SITTING
When we sit, two-third of our weight rests on the pelvic bones. Men who sit longer are more prone to prostate symptoms. Do not sit for long hours. Walk around as often as you can. Sit on comfortable chairs. We recommend a divided saddle chair if you must sit long hours.

DRESSING

Men should avoid tight underwear. It impacts circulation around the groin and heats it up a bit. While the physiological temperature is 37 degrees, the groin has an optimal temperature of about 33 degrees. Pant is a no - no for men. Wear boxers. Wear breathable clothing.

SMOKING

Avoid smoking. It affects blood vessels and impact circulation around the groin.

SEX

Regular sex is good for the prostate.

Celibates are more pronenn to prostate illness. While celibacy is a moral decision, it is not a biological adaptation. Your prostate gland is designed to empty its contents regularly.
__________

Thought: when someone shared something of value with you and benefit from it. You have a moral obligation to share it with others because someone in your friends list might be saved.
F[truncated by WhatsApp]

Thursday, 7 September 2017

True Mother Son Story



As I can remember, I have always wanted to make love to my mother. These thoughts probably started because of an incident that took place when I was only twelve years old. I was in my bedroom doing homework and my mother was in the next room taking a bath. She called for me and asked if I would fetch her razor from the hall closet and then bring it to her. I agreed. I figured that I would simply open up the bathroom door, mom would cover herself, and I would hand the razor to her. No big deal, right? Wrong! When I opened the door into the bathroom, mom was in the tub (while completely naked) and took the razor from my hand. What I saw made me stop in my tracks. At the time, mom was twenty-nine, 4'9, 120lbs, had firm medium sized breasts with large nipples, and a VERY dark, thick bush. I believe mom must have thought that I was embarrassed by what I saw. I wasn't. I was simply amazed. After what seemed like minutes, I turned, walked out of the bathroom, and returned to my bedroom.Just like any other young man, I *********** quite frequently during my teens. However, instead of thinking about the Playmate of the Month or some ***** star, the object of my ************ sessions was always my mom.Years later, when I was eighteen old, my girlfriend and I were having marital problems. We had been for one years and our sex life was simply a bore. I tried everything with my girlfriend to make things more interesting. I bought books on how to better satisfy your spouse, tried to seduce her in other ways, bought her presents,. None of my attempts at spicing up our sex life worked. One Saturday afternoon while our toddler was napping, I lured my girlfriend into her bedroom and tried to seduce her. She simply made some comment that she had too much housework to do and the last thing on her mind was "having sex."Hearing that, I got in my car and left the house, totally pissed off. I ended up driving around for over an hour thinking about what had just taken place. Without planning to do so, I realized that I was near the exit to my parent's home so I decided to stop by and talk to my dad. When I knocked on the door no one answered. Just as I was about to get back into my car, mom opened the front door and yelled for me to come back. It was obvious that she had been in the shower because her hair was wet and she was wearing a robe. Upon entering the house, mom said that it was a nice surprise I had stopped by. I told her that I had stopped to talk to dad and she told me that he was working. Hearing that, I decided to go on home and let mom get back to getting dressed. Mom then asked if something was wrong. I told her yes, but said that I would rather talk about the issue with dad. She asked why I couldn't talk to her about what was going on. I hesitantly told her it was a sexual issue. Mom then said, "well maybe I could help."For the next half an hour I proceeded to tell mom about the problems with my sex life. Although it was a bit uncomfortable at first, I soon loosened up and was telling her everything. I told her that everything else in my marriage was okay, but that our sex life just totally sucked. All the time I was uncomfortable, What mom said next really surprised me. Under her breath she said, "Join the club."When I asked her to repeat what she had said, she told me that I had heard her the first time. I admitted I had, but that I just wanted to hear her say it again to make sure I wasn't hearing things. Mom then went on to tell me that she had been unsatisfied sexually since her second year of marriage to my father (over twenty years prior). I then asked mom how she dealt with the problem. I could tell that she was a little embarrassed by my question. However, with some further prodding, she answered me by saying that she took care of the problem by ************. This just totally blew me away! The thought of my mom ************ turned me and within seconds I had the biggest hard-on imaginable. I soon realized that mom had taken notice of the rise in my shorts, so I adjusted my **** (and my seating position) so my hard-on wouldn't be so noticeable. I should have changed the subject, but I continued to ask her questions about what she liked in a man sexually. Mom told me that she loved everything and was willing to experiment, but that dad wasn't.In a low voice I muttered, "Dad doesn't know how good he has it."She asked me what I meant, and I told her that dad is nuts if he doesn't know how lucky he is. I then went one step further and said that he is nuts for not wanting her because she is so beautiful and obviously liked to have sex. After saying that, mom got this look in her eyes and I thought for sure I had stepped over the line. Instead, mom looked down at the ground and asked if I would like to find out what dad was missing out on. It took a minute for me to realize that she was NOT kidding. I immediately got out of my seat and followed her upstairs.I got behind her and put my hands on her waist. As I looked in the mirror at her, she closed her eyes and laid her head back on my shoulders. I then proceeded to kiss moms neck. Minutes later, I moved my hands from her waist and proceeded to untie the front of her robe. Looking in the mirror again, I pulled the sides of her robe open. Underneath of the robe, mom was completely naked.This was the first time in seven years that I had seen her like this. While still looking at her body in the mirror, I began to touch her. I began with her belly, and then moved on to her nipples. Mom was moaning softly and whispered that my touch felt good. When I started to move my hands down towards her *****, she moved away and turned towards me. I then took her face in my hands and proceeded to kiss her on the lips. Feeling my mothers tongue in my mouth was truly the most erotic feeling that I had even experienced in my life. Minutes later, mom broke our kiss and proceeded to undress me.When I was completely naked, mom stood in front of me and let her robe fall to the floor. I pulled her to me and we began to kiss again. After a few more minutes of some intense kissing, mom began kissing her way down my chest. She then got on her knees and began stroking my **** with her hand. As I looked down at her, she lightly licked the head of my **** while rubbing my balls with her free hand. Within minutes, she was bobbing up and down on my **** with a fury that I had never experienced before. My girlfriend would sometimes give me a *******, but I could always tell that she really wasn't in to it. Mom truly was!When I was on the brink of *******, I pulled back and told mom that she had better stop. She looked up at me and asked why. When I told her that I was going to ***, she pushed me back onto the bed, got between my legs, and continued to suck my **** and stroke the base with her hand. Within minutes, I screamed that I was *******. Instead of taking it out of her mouth, she simply sucked harder and it seemed to turn her on. When I had finished *******, I looked down at mom and she let my **** drop from her mouth. Unbelievable! I had never experienced the feeling of ******* in someone's mouth before and I knew I was hooked.I got up from the bed and motioned for mom to stand up. I put her hands on the edge of the bed, and leaned her over. I immediately got on my knees behind her and began eating her *****. I had eaten out quite a few women in my time, but this was definitely the best tasting ***** I had ever had the pleasure of experiencing. I tongued and licked her ***** like there was no tomorrow. To her surprise, I then began to lightly lick her *******. I could tell by her reaction that it startled her at first, but within minutes she was begging me not to stop. Once her ***** and *** were completely soaking wet from the combination of my saliva and her ***** juices, I took one finger and inserted it into her ***** and took another and put it into her ***. Mom began pushing against my hand in an effort to get deeper penetration. As she moaned loudly, I could tell that this was indeed a woman who truly enjoyed sex. Next, I stood behind her and gently inserted my hard **** into her *****.Up until that moment, kissing mom was the most erotic feeling I had ever experienced in my life. Feeling my **** inside of her completed the picture. I ****** her from behind until I felt my balls swell with ***. When I started moaning, she looked back at me and asked if I was going to ***. When I said yes, she immediately got on her knees again and started sucking my ****. With a fury I had never experienced before, I came in her mouth for a second time. This time when I had finished *******, mom looked up at me and opened her mouth. My entire load was laying on her tongue. She then closed her mouth and swallowed. Wow! As we laid on the bed and I recovered from ******* a second time, I asked her why she had decided to have me *** in her mouth. She said that it tasted so good the first time she just had to have more. For the next two hours we continued our **** and suck session. I even had anal sex for the first time.This event took place three years ago. Since then, mom and I have continued to meet at least once a week and have incredible sex. We both feel that as long as we can continue to have sex without it messing up our relations, we should continue. To be honest, it has actually helped me and my girlfriend. Neither of us is no longer pissed off at our partner for not being interested in sex since we are getting laid somewhere else.


I am having se.x with my mother

I think this is a very disgusting and tragic story, but the truth is that just like other stories it is also true and real. Could never have imagined such a thing like this 5 years ago, but 2017 makes it the 3rd year of my sexual relationship with the woman who gave birth to me.

My mom  was a very great woman to me and always cared about me when I was a baby. Being the only son, she has much time for me and we spent much time together as my Dad was always busy.

My sisters all got married and moved on, so it was just me, my Mom and my Dad.. a lovely family.. watched sports together especially wrestling which my dad enjoys a lot and also watched movies together. I did most of the girls' chores since my sisters are not in the house anymore. So I always spent time with my mom in the kitchen cooking and stuff like that.

We started bonding together, like going out for movies and stuff like that. It was fun and I enjoyed it. But as time went on I realized that I had no girlfriend {19 years old} and also a virgin. I also realized that I started to sexually admire my mom as she gave me so much access to her room and I can pretty much see everything about her room which is normally not supposed to.

Maybe I was crazy, but I did not know soon I will have to find out. So it started this Friday evening, my dad was out for a weekend business trip. We had just finished dinner and watching movie. Like normal I had my mom's head on my shoulder. My mom weighed 69kg while I weighed 78kg because I am toned with big body (not fat).. actually hotter than all guys reading this, maybe that is where all these started I must guess.


 
Mother started having sex with her son, 12, when he came into her bed because he was sick - and made him feel 'important and special' as he was hitting puberty
An Australian man has told the unimaginable tale of his childhood abuse
'Hamish', now in his 50s, was 12 years old when his mother had sex with him
He said he as he laid in her bed one day when she ' just initiated it'
The abuse carried on for three years until his mother died when he was 15
Hamish hadn't shared the secret for 30 years until one day he told his wife 

Saturday, 1 July 2017

Every woman's lips and eyes reveal the size of her VAGINA (15 TRICKS)

Did you know that you can actually get an approximate idea about the size and shape of a woman's VAG!NA based on her facial features?

Believe it or not, Taoist Matchmakers in China were known for pairing couples together based on how well their genitals fit together, and they used the facial features of each person to make that determination. Pretty cool huh?

Each feature on the face correlates to a different characteristic of the VAG!NA, and you may be surprised to find out what the eyes, lips, nose and cheek bones of a woman reveal! It is important for the PEN!S to fit perfectly within the VAG!NA for maximum comfort and pleasure, so take a look at these clues.

In Taoist matchmaking tradition:

1. If a woman has a small mouth and short fingers she will have a small, short VAG!NA.

2. If she has big, thick lips, her VAG!NA is will be wide and thick.

3. If she has deep set eyes her VAG!NA will be deep.

4. A woman with 'skinny' eyelids will have a deep VAG!NA.

5. A woman with thick fleshy eyelids will have a short VAG!NA.

6. A Woman with bulging eyes, will have a very short VAG!NA (women with short VAG!NAs should avoid men with large/long PEN!Ses to avoid damage to the cervix).

7. A woman who is nearsighted will have a deep VAG!NA. The more near sighted she is the deeper the VAG!NA.



8. A woman with big watery eyes, will have a big watery VAG!NA. Again, the bigger the eyes, the bigger the VAG!NA. (Short PEN!Ses are not for you boo!)

9. A woman with a wide mouth and thin lips will have a narrow and deep VAG!NA.

10. Puckered, protruding lips or protruding bone structure indicate an elastic VAG!NA. It could be big or small, but it will be very wet, warm, and soft. It also vibrates and trembles and is often referred to as a 'talking VAG!NA.'

11. A woman who is tough and emotionless will have a hard, dry VAG!NA.

12. A woman with narrow cheeks and jaws will have a small, crooked VAG!NA. If it is only slightly curved this is not a problem. However, if the curve is significant, she will need a long narrow PEN!S.

13. If a woman has a narrow forehead and flat nose, she will have a short, wide VAG!NA.

14. If she has protruding cheek bones, she will have a very deep VAG!NA and a strong s-exual desire.

15. If a woman has a dimple, she has a very short VAG!NA.

There are factors that can create variations of these qualities, but these features allude to natural tendencies when it comes to the qualities of a woman's VAG!NA.

Test these theories out on your partner for fun and see if you can guess the shape, depth and texture of her VAG!NA by examining her facial features! It will be a fun way to deepen your fantasies about what's between her legs.

Monday, 1 May 2017

Mothers who rape their sons



TRIGGER WARNING: This story discusses experiences of childhood sexual abuse, incest and suicide.
“I AM very sorry I brought you so much pain,” Marcus* wrote in his final letter, “Thank you for caring for me. I know I didn’t deserve it.”
Marcus died by suicide two years ago and when he did, he left University of Canberra researcher Lucetta Thomas a message.
The sentence that stayed with her was this one: “The only course of action is for you to do something positive, like finish the PhD.”
To an outsider, these could be understood as simple words of encouragement. Lucetta knew their real meaning; this was an urgent final plea.
The PhD she’s currently writing is about sons who were sexually abused by their biological mothers — just as Marcus had been.
Since she met him, Lucetta had witnessed Marcus struggling to come to terms with what happened to him in childhood.
“He was not only sexually abused by his mother from a very young age but when he became older and was able to physically prevent her from abusing him, she engaged another friend to be her strong arm so she could continue the acts of sexual violence against him,” Lucetta explains.
“When Marcus died, I knew I had to finish the research. I didn’t want this to happen to anyone else. I wanted these men to know they aren’t alone and it’s not their fault. There is help out there,” she says.

It turns out Marcus is far from alone. For Lucetta’s study, 94 men who had been abused by their mothers filled out online surveys. Of that number, she then interviewed 23 men at length over the phone.
“The abuse often started before the child hit puberty, when the child was still quite young, so they had really no concept of what was going on but they were still being coerced or manipulated into performing sexual acts,” she says.

University of Canberra researcher Lucetta Thomas has interviewed dozens of men who have been sexually abused by their mothers. Picture: Ginger Gorman
University of Canberra researcher Lucetta Thomas has interviewed dozens of men who have been sexually abused by their mothers. Picture: Ginger GormanSource:Supplied

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While some boys were mentally coerced into “a full sexual relationship” with their mother, Lucetta explains that others were on the receiving end of “incredible violence” if they tried to resist. Mothers might also withdraw of basic human needs, such as food and shelter.
Hamish,* now in his 50s, was 12 years old the first time he recalls having sex with his mother.
“She had this big bedroom and if we were ever sick or anything like that we’d stay in her bed. One day she just initiated it, she just started touching me and it just went from there.
“She preyed on the fact I was coming into puberty and made me feel important and special,” he tells me.
From this distance Hamish now understands he was just a child when the abuse occurred; he was unable to consent to sex with an adult in a position of power.
At the time though, it was a different story: “I thought I was enjoying it and I thought I was grown up.”
Despite growing up in a wealthy suburb and going to a private school, home life was difficult. His single mother suffered frequent physical illnesses, such as pneumonia and pleurisy. In retrospect Hamish thinks his mother was also mentally unwell.
“It was a good household to be in when my mother was in a good mood and it was a horrible household to be in when she wasn’t,” he says, “she would threaten to kill us and she’d lock all the windows and turn on the gas.”
“I got hurt,” Hamish continues, pointing to a decades-old scar on his the top of his head.
Especially when his mother was sick, Hamish cooked, cleaned and went to the shops to get food for the family.
“She saw me as like some sort of de facto relationship, I’ve got no doubt about that. She’d say: ‘You’re the man of the house’,” he recalls.
Meanwhile his mother warned him to stay quiet about their sexual relationship.
“People wouldn’t understand, you can’t ever tell anybody,” she told Hamish.
The truth is that Hamish had no one to disclose the abuse to — and even if he did, was terrified of splitting up his family.
“You’re physically and mentally trapped in this relationship and you can’t get out of it,” he says.
This isn’t an easy interview. When I ask what went through his head during that period in his childhood, Hamish struggles to form an answer. Like so many men in his position, the distress lies not in the words but in the silence.
“[I’ve] spent most of my life trying to repress these thoughts and memories,” he says, “I haven’t talked to anyone for 30 years about it.”
When he was just 15, Hamish’s mother died. While making it clear he didn’t wish for her death, Hamish is blunt: “She did me a favour … I’ve always felt that it enabled me, in some respects, to get on with my life.”
He worked damn hard to do just that. Hamish married in the early 90s and fathered two sons of whom he’s extremely proud.
About 10 years ago a television news story prompted him to briefly mention the childhood sexual abuse to his wife. After the disclosure he promptly told her: “I never want to talk about it ever again, ever.”
Quietly reflecting on this, he says: “It’s really hard to tell someone you love, ‘By the way, my mother abused me and I had sex with my mother’.”
True to his word, Hamish never did discuss it again with his wife — something he has lived to regret.
“I love my wife and for a lot of the time we had a good relationship but this thing [the abuse] came between us,” Hamish says, “it did slowly poison our relationship.”
“Our marriage was never the same after I told her about my mother … just telling her wasn’t enough, we needed to get help,” he says.
Three years ago Hamish had an affair and his marriage unravelled. As a result he lost his wife and his business.
“I wish we’d got help together, you know? I might still be married now if I’d got help. But I’m not,” he says with unmistakeable grief.
Despite this, Hamish no longer feels anger when it comes to his mother.
“I feel sorry for her that she couldn’t see what she was doing was wrong,” he says.
It’s an incredibly confusing situation for victims, explains Lucetta, because “the boys still love their mother” and just like Hamish, “they don’t want the family to break apart.”
Lucetta says men who were victims as boys are deterred from disclosing what happened due to the very real fear of not being believed or being blamed for their maternal abuse.
“Society says that males are actually instigators of any sort of sexual relationship, so the child copes with the trauma by telling himself: ‘I must have actually instigated it,’” she says.
Lucetta recruited the men for her research with relative ease. This may lead one to assume this type of abuse is common. Frustratingly though, there seems to be no reliable data on its prevalence — including the Personal Safety Survey conducted by the Australian Bureau of Statistics.
The way Lucetta sees it, the lack of data leads to both a lack of public awareness and acceptance of mother-to-son sexual abuse and a lack of “support and assistance for these male victims by health professionals.”
Ian,* 70, was also sexually abused by his mother. Unlike Hamish, it happened when he was a much younger child.
“I can remember what her vagina felt like, I can remember what her body felt like and I as a child felt all yucky about it,” he recalls.

Ian at the age of eight, around the time his mother was abusing him.
Ian at the age of eight, around the time his mother was abusing him.Source:Supplied
Up until the age of eight, Ian says he slept in his mother’s bed and was asked to perform sexual acts on her, such as sucking her nipples.
“I hated her because of abuse,” he says, “I had a list of people who I wanted dead and she was on that list.”
The family dynamic was complicated. Ian, his two brothers, mother and her husband — we’ll call him John — lived in poverty in rural South Australia.
“I was born illegitimately,” Ian says, “and he [John] knew that because he wasn’t sleeping with my mother.”
“My whole life I felt guilt and shame because I shouldn’t have been in existence,” he says.
Growing up, Ian “just existed” rather than living. John kicked Ian’s mother and her children out of the house several times.
“I was shunned, I wasn’t wanted. I felt that even from my cousins, uncles and aunties, grandparents,” Ian says.
For Ian, the childhood abuse “manipulated my sexuality and impacted my ability to operate as a person.”
“How can you have a healthy sexual relationship? How can you become a father, husband, grandfather?” he asks.
Throughout adulthood, Ian has been plagued by feelings of isolation, guilt, low self-esteem, depression and anxiety. He’s also battled a “dysfunctional sex life” and attempted suicide a number of times.
Ian describes “a paralysis” inside him and states: “I don’t think I’ve loved anybody in my life [and] didn’t know what love was.”
Although Ian is still married to his wife and has been for nearly 50 years, he confesses to having a number of extramarital affairs and visiting escorts for sex.
In a lighter moment, he jokingly refers to this as “a very good form of therapy.”
Only in the last six years — and after decades of counselling and therapy — does Ian feel he’s started to recover.
“I honestly believe she [his mother] had probably been sexually abused herself,” he says, adding: “I feel pity for her.”
“I had to forgive my late mother in order to recover,” Ian explains.
In the context of Lucetta’s research, Ian is unusual because he considers himself mentally healthy.
She says: “Out of all the males that I spoke to I would say only one had actually come to terms with what had happened to him.”
The sexual abuse of “these men when boys is often highly traumatic and at times extremely violent and impacted on their psychological, biosocial and physical development,” Lucetta says.
Far from healing over time, the impacts of this mother-to-son childhood sexual abuse seem to continue.
“There seemed to be a recurrence of the trauma building up over the years,” she says, “so from the late 30s onwards, it was really starting to become an issue for them.”
As adults, the majority of men in Lucetta’s study felt “very trapped, very isolated, very afraid and very unsure of how to go about getting help and understanding the power dynamics that they had been subjected to.”
“One gentleman, sadly, was completely house bound. He basically just felt that it was completely impossible to trust anybody or to be out in society because he had so little self-regard,” she says.
According to Lucetta, society’s beliefs about gender are effectively stopping a cohort of male victims disclosing their abuse and accessing support.
“They have experienced the same forms of trauma, the same forms of sexual abuse and emotional and psychological abuse as any victim of sexual abuse or sexual assault and they need to be taken seriously and they need to be believed.
“It is time to break the long-held view of mothers as only ever gentle and caring females, so that the sexual abuse of sons by their biological mother is acknowledged,” she says.
For Hamish’s part, he urges other survivors of mother to son abuse to reach out for help.
“You can’t just bottle it up and think that it will go away, because it doesn’t ever go away,” he says. And he would know.